that's bitchville's blog

European English

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

In the first year, “s” will be used instead of the soft “c”. Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy.

Also, the hard “c” will be replaced with “k”. Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced by “f”. This will make words like “fotograf” 20 per sent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent “e”s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” by “z” and “w” by ” v”.

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou”, and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst place…

(via http://www.paulnoll.com/Books/Clear-English/English-European.html)

Notes

  1. jjluoz reblogged this from bitchville
  2. pa-pa-pa-la reblogged this from iwontsignuphere
  3. convulseandconsume reblogged this from bitchville
  4. sleepwellwasted reblogged this from bitchville
  5. yadayadaa reblogged this from bitchville
  6. senhoritaspencer reblogged this from bitchville
  7. silviawithani reblogged this from bitchville
  8. lemonadesadness reblogged this from bitchville
  9. canthandlefakename reblogged this from bitchville
  10. khaigarcia reblogged this from bitchville
  11. ms-z reblogged this from bitchville
  12. hardcore-superstar reblogged this from bitchville
  13. iamair reblogged this from bitchville
  14. medeepwater reblogged this from bitchville
  15. lolz-is-a-word reblogged this from bitchville and added:
    This post is pretty funny (and hard to read once you get...changing language is an...
  16. tracilynne reblogged this from bitchville
  17. permanentlyjetlagged reblogged this from carefulwiththataxe and added:
    brb hyperventaliting
  18. sealand reblogged this from bitchville
  19. jjezebel reblogged this from pretiosa and added:
    hahaha i really like this!
  20. pretiosa reblogged this from bitchville
  21. snarkasaurus reblogged this from phantomwise
  22. liveinthesky reblogged this from bitchville
  23. legitbananasplit reblogged this from thegoldess
  24. thegoldess reblogged this from bitchville
  25. midnightfire reblogged this from bitchville
  26. doodlemonster reblogged this from bitchville
  27. moretime reblogged this from phantomwise
  28. nisatchowdhury reblogged this from bitchville
  29. eatsleepbreathetv reblogged this from phantomwise